If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
