All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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