Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
