I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
