Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
