He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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