put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
