um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
