Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
