a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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