Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
