omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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