i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
