You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
