omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
