just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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