So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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