im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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