oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
