As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
