New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
