I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
