you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
