so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
