My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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