I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
