he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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