I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
