I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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