her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
