I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
