One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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