We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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