That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
