I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
