Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
