Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
