I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
