The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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