I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
