Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize