Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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