I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
