After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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