Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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