OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
