as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
