I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
