I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
