I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
