Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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