so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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