apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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