speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry my hands just texted you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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