I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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