She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
