READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
