our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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